Nice to Meet you

You meet him here like you have met him here for 1,000 years. They tell you his name but when your eyes lock with his you already had that conversation between the two of you as your Souls fit into each other. A thousand years of feelings flood your body and you are drunk on his love. He puts his hand out to shake your hand as if to complete the formal introduction. You look down reluctant to touch him. You lightly shake his hand fully expecting to be struck by lightning. As his cool skin makes the first millisecond of contact with you Every nerve in your body erupts in simultaneously fireworks going off all over your body. You glance up to see if he just felt that, he was already staring at you. The rest of the world stopped existing and you are a puddle of yourself in front of this man you have just met for the 1000th time and the rest of your life.

If Nothing Changes Story

This was an exercise I did for a class called Lab in 2015 with Amy Oscar. It was to bring our awareness to the Story we seem to be in. So we could recognize where we were and also what areas of the Story that were no longer supporting us.

Reading this a year later sort of makes me Laugh because Man did I wake up and make changes last year. This could explain why I am feeling like my body is need or asking me to rest so much this year.

So here is the dialogue or download or conversation I had with myself about my story May 2015:
If nothing changes she will continue to be broke working starter admin jobs that she has a natural gift to excel in but does not get any personal pay off doing.  She will also keep getting her feelings hurt hearing her kid say that he wants his dad to pick him up from school and watch the fit he has when he tells her he wants to stay with dad every night especially since she stayed home with him the first 5yrs of his life.  If nothing changes she will keep feeling misunderstood by her family who does not understand spirituality or intuition they only understand religious rules that are dictated to them for their understanding.  If nothing changes her not making a choice to take charge of her life and give it direction will be her choice.  If nothing changes her marriage will continue to be the hardest thing she has ever done in this life.  If nothing changes I will create a pretty picture of a life that is not real.  And just like Facebook Everyone will believe that shit!

Momma

Today started like every other the alarm went off she told herself just 1 more hour. She wakes up and the kids are coming in the door from school. She told herself yesterday she wasn't going to sleep all day. She throws the sheets back putting all of her energy into standing up. Teetering she stands there a minute finding her balance thinking about the bed and how it loves her. She loves how sleep is blackness how time swirls past so quickly how when she is sleeping real life doesn't exist and she can be whoever she wants in her dreams and feel only the things she wants to feel. It is her escape and she would choose it over her Real Life any time.

The kids are done with their homework and their chores and are now picking fights with each other because they are bored. They are pulling her in all directions one is hungry, one wants the wifi password, and the other one is locked in the room with the music entirely too loud. Don't they know she is about to loose it? Can't they tell she is on the verge. She can feel the anxiety building up and the tightening in her body.

She is trying to wipe down the counters and throw laundry in the washer and sweep the kitchen before her husband gets home in the next 15minutes. So she can hide the fact she spent the entire day asleep. Her life is hard she tells herself a tear rolls down her cheek.

The door flies open and the kids rush dad as he makes his way past the kitchen where she is standing he is fighting off the kids to set his work stuff down.
'Did he even see me standing here? Does it even matter? Could I be just anyone?'
He comes back only to ask what she is making for dinner and takes the kids to play in the living room without waiting for the response.

She open the freezer finds the chicken nuggets and throws them on a pan into the oven. We can be healthy tomorrow she thinks to herself. She turns to the cabinet to pull paper plates out as she hollers at the kids asking them what they would like to drink. 15mins later she divides up nuggets onto the plates and tells them dinner is ready.

Feeling invisible they talk around her at dinner. Dad directs the conversation for the kids as she zones out of her life. The dryer buzzer awakens her as the kids scatter from the table. The only thing Dad asks her is Did you sleep all day again? She resists the urge to have a screaming match. She hates how accusatory that sounds. Fuck Him she thinks. She rolls her eyes and says No!

She gets up from the table picking up everyone's plates and cups and putting away the ketchup.  Why don't they do this themselves she thinks they are not babies anymore and I'm tired! A black knot appears in her gut and she feels like it's tar like poison seeps her veins.

She tells the kids to take their baths as she folds their laundry and sweeps the kitchen. She finds Dad on the couch with the TV on scrolling his phone. The 2 younger kids are having a sword fight jumping from the couch to the love seat over to the coffee table. Toys cover the floor. The Baby says Look Mommie this is a moat around the castle. Dad is ignoring them jumping on the furniture. I'll never have nice things she thinks. Have you had your bath she asks it's almost 8pm. No they both say and she goes to run some water.

After she gets the kids to bed she pours a glass of wine and heads to the bath herself. Dad has migrated into the bedroom and as she reaches for the door He says are you going to go clean up for me? Are you fucking kidding me she thinks, and she says For what? I don't know he says I thought you'd want me. She throws up in her mouth that this is her love life. No I'm good she shakes her head and locks the door to the bathroom.

She lights a few candles for herself and turns out the lights and slips into the bath with her wine. She turns the water as hot as she can stand it. It feels good falling straight down over her feet. She thinks how invisible she is to her family and she feels her blood pressure drop from the heat of the bath. She takes her last sip of wine and slides underwater without a breath.

3D Pin Wheel Square

Start by picking 2 different fabrics. Then decide which is going to be the background fabric and which is going to be the pinwheel.

Start by cutting the background fabric into 4-6inch squares and set aside for now.

Then cut the pinwheel fabric into 4-5inch squares

This is my pinwheel fabric and where the fun begins

Fold the pinwheel fabric on the diagonal all four squares and finger press

Then bring the bottom right of the triangle over to the bottom left and finger press

When I got this part done I took it to the iron and pressed it for real

Then lay your background fabric down and place 1 pinwheel fabric in the same corner of each background square.

Then I arrange the pieces into the pinwheel shape

Then you can pin if you want and I folded Left onto Right and sewed at 1/4 in seam

After left onto right squares are sewn together then line up the center, again you can pin if you want, and finish with a seam in the middle at 1/4 in seam

This is how your square will come out.

See how the pinwheel makes these cute little pockets? LOVE IT!

Doctor Doctor Give Me The News

Today I had an appointment to see my family physician. WooHoo is he Hot! So in preparation I take a nice long Hot shower shaving every crevice of my body...just in case. Broke out my bath and body lotion I save for special occasions and lathered myself all up. Put on the smallest sexy-est pair of panties. Squeezed into the cutest thing I had in the closet. Poofed up my hair and smeared all the make-up I could get on. Oh and coordinated G's outfit with mine. I didn't really have to wait long in the waiting room and the nurse got a toy and brought it to G from one of the other rooms. My apt today was about my toe. G is going to be 9mos on July 1 if you have kids this age then you know and if you don't I'll refresh your memory. They do not want to be still. He wants to crawl and pull up on things and try to climb things, anything but be in you lap. So I could hear Doc leave the room next to mine and pause at the door for my chart and I am trying to scoop up G so he doesn't get hit with the door and envisioning what Doc may be wearing and all in the same second Doc walks in and G has grabbed a hold of my shirt and my bra and my boobs fall out of my shirt. OMIGAWD!!! His eyes are popping out of his head and I am completely mortified!!! I am at this time am looking for a place to set down my son and put myself back together and feeling totally guilty about those thoughts I was having about him. And he says Aw don't worry that happens to my wife all the time. I should have just left right then because I was so messed up that I could not remember what I had even come there for. I am sure he has seen a ton of boobs he is a doctor, but I am not sure those girls were thinking what I was thinking so I just felt horribly embarrassed!

Booger Jungles

Have you ever thought to blow your nose before going into the dentist? I wonder how many Booger Jungles he has to look at a day. They must teach you in dental school not to say anything about the inside of peoples noses...I think I wouldn't be able to contain myself if someone had a big green froggy booger creeping out of their nose. Just a thought.

Moore Animal Life

Jeff and I spent our day at his Family Reunion at a park in Benbrook with G. It got really hot while we were there and was the main reason we had to leave. G was getting sleepy and hot. We have to drive home through the country and I saw the cows loose in a pasture. They were Black cows. And I started thinking how it would suck to be a cow never experiencing the air conditioning, only eating hay, flies, and then to live it all to be killed and eaten. That sounds like a horrible life.

So I turned to Jeff and asked him what kind of Animal he might have been in a previous life. We started thinking about stuff like does he like winter or summer, we decided both. Daytime or night time, probably daytime. How he eats, whatever portion you set in front of him. And he loves to drink water. So I concluded that he must be a dog. A very loyal playful dog so I am gonna say a Lab and that was his persistence to get our "Hunting" dog Trapper.

So after we thought some more about that, I asked him what animal he thought I was. Without skipping a beat he said possum. I said really? Why? He tells me because I am nocturnal. I always have G attached to me like a baby possum. And I can turn mean if provoked. I think he must be right.

The next thing that crossed my mind is that we just crossed a Labrador with a possum...so G must be a Baby Lassum